This is a story about a straight guy trying to come to terms with his sexuality.
Please note that English is not my first language.
Please vote and comment. :)
Just for a Day
Another car was speeding past when I opened my eyes again. I pulled up my wrist to check the time. Nearly one in the morning. I felt the bus shake a bit as we drove over what must have been a small rock. Everyone around me was sleeping. I opened the curtain for the window a little more to try and see where we were. Nothing. It was completely dark except for car lights moving around us. I pulled the blanket I had over my legs higher towards my chest as I felt a cold shiver run over me. My mom was sitting next to me with her head tilted backwards. She was sleeping.
We must have been on the road for almost a nearly two days now. I felt the familiar feeling of dread wash over me again. A new city, a new school, the new kid again. I really didn’t want to leave everything behind and move to a new place. I just got used to the lights and large city of Seattle and now we are off again. Duluth Minnesota. I have never even heard of it until my mom told me about her new work last week. My mom is basically a Butler’s right-hand maid. She cleans and runs the household, makes sure the other cleaning staff do their work and attends to any other needs the butler of the house may require her to do.
I have never been shy of what she was or of our poor stature. My mom has always tried to provide me with the things I need, but we had gone through some rough patches. I was usually mocked for either being poor or my mom being a maid. I have no idea who my father is. My mom never talks about him and only said he left when I was a baby. So, it’s just been us my whole life. I felt my mom stir next to me as she moved her body more upwards to be more comfortable. I noticed another grey hair caught the light of a moving car passing us. My mom was still beautiful in my eyes.
My grandmother was white, and my grandad was a Latino she fell in love with during her early years being a nurse. My mom told me that my father was also white and that made me one part three Latino. I had a light caramel skin; brown semi curly hair and I was about five foot seven tall. The only thing that made me look different than my mom was the fact that I had piercing dark blue greenish eyes. I was rather athletic also as I used to like going for a run in the park where we stayed in Seattle. I was never really into sports as I changed schools regularly. Now I am off to my senior year. I was really hoping to go to college once I’m done this year. I have a passion for drawing and all things art.
My mom was saving up some money each month for me to go to New York and study at the Art School there, but I’m not sure my dream would ever turn into a reality. The bus continued to hum as we drove down the freeway. I think we would reach Duluth some time in the morning if I remembered correctly what the driver said a few hours ago. I moved my legs closer to the seat and pulled my jumper tighter against me. Since we don’t have much money, the bus we were driving in was relatively cheap and only the front side was any warmer. I reached down towards my small travel back and pulled out a small flask of coffee my mom made a few hours ago. It was still warm. I felt myself heat up a bit as I took a few sips from it. I placed the flask back inside my back and pulled the blanket higher. I turned my head towards the window and closed my eyes.
“Lucian Honey… Wake up. We are here.” My mom was shaking me on the shoulder.
I opened my eyes. It was morning and the bus stopped. People were getting up and taking their bags out from the overheads. My mom was smiling at me as I rubbed my eyes.
“Did you sleep ok?” she asked as she was folding up the blanket, she had over her.
“Bit sore… Are we at the last stop?” I asked as I got up.
“Yup. We are taking a cab from here to the Robertson’s.”
I picked up my bag and placed the blanket inside. I had just a moments glimpse of my sketch book before I zipped the bag closed. I always travel with a book to sketch wherever I go. Inspiration can strike you anywhere.
We waited for more people to get off the bus as we were sitting quite at the back. After a few minutes I walked off and felt the cool air hit my face. Winter was almost here. I walked with my mom to the small stand next to the stop. The seat was cold when I sat down and felt the sting go right through the sweat pants I was wearing. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. Ten past nine.
We waited for about thirty minutes before a cab pulled up. My mom greeted the driver as he took our luggage and load it into the back. Ten minutes later we were on our way again. My butt now severely cold from the metal bus seat.
The road was relatively short, but it seems the Robertson’s didn’t like neighbours. The house and “house” were a strong word as it looked more like a mansion, was located next to a small hill overlooking Lake Superior. There were no other buildings in sight. The cab pulled in and drove through the open gate towards the entrance. There was a man wearing a black suit waiting at the steps for us. I looked up towards the three-story mansion and tried guessing how many rooms it would have.
These people must be beyond rich I thought to myself as I looked upwards to try and see into one of the windows. The cab came to a halt and I opened my door to get out.
“Good Morning Miss Bardon.” The guy in the suit said as he walked towards my mother with his hand out.
“Morning Mr. Robertson” She polity replied.
“Oh! No, my dear. My name is Mr Berkley. I am the Butler of this fine estate. Mr Robertson and his wife will arrive this evening back from Spain.” He amusingly replied while gesturing for her to move upwards the steps.
I had the distinct feeling he was not aware I was there next to the car or maybe thought I was the cab unpacker. I melt myself get a little warm around the cheeks. My mom however would not have it.
“Wait… My son Lucian.” She said as she turned around towards my direction.
I felt his eyes fall on me and lingered on my curly brown hair that must have been waiving each in its own direction.
“Hi.” Was all I could say as I picked up my bag the driver took out the car.
“Mmm… Yes, Good Morning Mr Lucian.” He said and quickly turned around to face the house.
“Please follow me.” As he started climbing the stairs with a walk of importance.
We climbed the steps in silence all the way up towards a massive wooden door. It was carved with spirals and large shapes. Beautifully varnished with some sort of dark oil or something. As we entered the main door, I felt my jaw drop open. Every part of the main entrance hall was covered in white marble. From the floors, the walls and even the grand staircase leading up. A massive crystal chandelier was hanging in the middle, sparkling like thousands of diamonds.
“It’s a beautiful house.” My mom said as she looked up towards the chandelier.
“Yes. Mrs Robertson takes great pride in it. She designed it herself you know. Fourteen Bedrooms, seven bathrooms and two kitchens.” Mr Berkley replied looking as if he just announced the Queen’s arrival.
I noticed the echo immediately after he spoke. It sounded like a great hall where musicians would perform.
“You will both be staying in the servant’s quarters at the back of the house. Mr Randall will show you.” and almost immediately a short old man with grey hair came through one of the doors in the back
“Good morning Miss Bardon. If you will please follow me.” Mr Randall said while giving my mom a small bow.
We greeted the much friendlier looking Mr Randall and followed suit. We walked through the door he just came from which leaded to a long hallway. I felt a feeling of shame when Mr Berkley announced we would be staying in the servant’s quarters.
“You can call me Bill. I am the caretaker of the yard and pretty much the handy man around here.” Mr Randall said as we walked.
“I’m Miranda and this is Lucian.” My mom replied and pointed towards me.
“Please to meet you. You will have to excuse Mr Berkley. He thinks rather highly of himself. Very good at what he does though.” Bill said as he opened the door at the end of the passage for us to pass through.
We entered what appeared to be the main kitchen. Large slabs of marble decorated the wooden cabinets of the work spaces and white marble all over the floor. I was for a moment unsure where he was leading us, but he gestured for us to walk towards the back door of the kitchen.
“Your rooms are at the back of the yard and not connected to the house.” He said as he led us outside.
A massive yard welcomed us with a green patch of lawn any rugby team would love to practice on. The edges of the yard were closed from any outside view by massive trees all planted in a row. To the side of the grass was an Olympic sized swimming pool surrounded by huge rock art formations.
As we reached the quarters where we would be staying, I realised it was more of a very small house than just a room. There was a large tree in front of the small house that hid it from view from the main mansion. I felt almost at home.
“Thank you so much Mr Randall… I mean Bill.” My mom said and smiled.
Mr Randall bowed again and walked back towards the garden.
“Well… What do you think?” My mom asked as she turned towards me.
I looked back at the small house.
“Looks really cosy.” I replied as we both walked towards the door of our new home.
The following morning, I woke up with the sound of birds singing outside my window. I lifted myself up from bed and looked around my room again. I was staying in the smallest room the house. My mom took the larger one only after she offered it to me and me refusing to take it. I pulled my socks over my feet and felt a cold nip in the air as I got out the bed. The ceiling was low ad I only had one window looking out towards the side of the garden. I couldn’t see the mansion at all. It was a Saturday.
I heard my mom in the house busy with something. As I got up to pull a sweatshirt over my naked chest the smell of toast fills my nose. Mom was making breakfast it seems. I pulled on a pair of black slippers and left my room.
“Morning.” I said as I entered lounge.
The house had only two small rooms with an open plan kitchen lounge.
“Hi sweetie. Are you hungry?” My mom asked as he kissed me on the cheek.
“Not that much. I would kill for some water though.” I replied and pulled a glass out the cupboard.
“Listen, I have to go to the main house as Mr Berkley wants to introduce me to the Robertson’s, show me the interior of the house and teach me the rules.” My mom said as she placed two slices of toast on a plate and handed it to me.
“Oh ok.” I replied and started on the first slice.
A few minutes later I found myself alone sitting on the couch. There was no TV and no radio. I could hear a leaf blower far in the distance and the sound of a few birds outside. I had no idea what to do. I was in a strange new place, new environment and I wasn’t even sure if I could walk in the garden. At least in Seattle we stayed in a small apartment and I was free to go where I wanted to. I decided I could at least sit under the tree outside and view everything that goes on.
I brushed my teeth and pulled on a pair of sneakers. I walked outside and felt the sun on my skin as I walked around the house towards the massive tree. I had my sketch book in my hand with my favourite pencil. I wanted to see if I could get a good view of the mansion.
I sat down with my back against the tree, opened a new page and started drawing. The back of the mansion was almost just impressive as the front. Large windows and statues adorned the walls and roof. I must have been drawing for about two hours when a sudden voice behind me jumped me out of my skin.
“Wow that’s really good.” A young guy about my age said whilst looking down at my sketch.
“Jesus!” I yelled out loud and quickly got up.
“Sorry man!” He quickly apologised and held out his hand.
“My names Brandon and I didn’t mean to scare you.” He smiled at me.
“Lucian and you didn’t scare me...” I replied feeling myself blush.
“Ok… I like your drawing by the way. You seem really talented.” He said as he tried to look at my half finished drawing of the mansion.
I held out the sketch book for him to look at al the while still feeling my heart pound in my chest.
“Sorry… I’m not entirely sure who you are.” I said while looking at him.
He had dark golden blonde hair with a brown tanned skin and blue green eyes similar to mine. He was about a few inches taller than I was with a larger build body. He looked like he must have played football or something.
“Oh Sorry. I’m Brandon Robertson. My parents own the house.” He said giving me a toothy smile and pointing towards the mansion.
“Oh…Erm Hi…” I felt immediately awkward. The shame of who I was and what my mom was, was washing over me.
I am used to rich guys like him always bullying me for being poor. He must have sensed it as well.
“Your mom seems really nice and I like her already.” He said looking at me with another smile.
“Thanks… She is a nice person yeah…” Feeling myself getting red in the face.
“You should come look at my secret hobby. Nobody knows about it.” He quickly said while looking me in the eyes.
It made me feel a bit weird. I’ve never really had friends before in my life let alone someone look at me like that.
“Erm ok… But I’m not sure if I’m allowed inside the house?” I nervously asked.
“You’re kidding, right??” Brandon asked while looking at me shocked.
“Of course, you are! Why wouldn’t you be?” He yelled out loud, but I could tell he has never asked “the help’s children” in the house before and I felt myself getting angry again for thinking about myself in that way.
“Come! Ill show you my room and we can play some PlayStation as well. You like Devil May Cry?” He asked excitedly as if he has never had a friend over before.
Five minutes later I found myself entering a large room every boy would do anything to live in. Action figures was on every shelf. All of them in sealed boxes. There was a massive plasma TV against the one wall with every PlayStation game you can think of in shelfs pack around it. The one shelf was completely covered in comic books. He had a desk in the corner with the most beautiful gaming PC I have ever seen. Brandon was a rich good-looking jock that played video games. That was a first for me.
“What do you think?” He excitedly asks.
“Wow… I have never seen so many games in one location before.” I replied looking at his extensive PS4 game collection.
“Really? I always think I need more and feel like I have barely anything to play.” He said while pulling his face into a thinking look.
“Oh well! We can definitely play some if you want? Or are you hungry? I haven’t eaten breakfast yet now that I think about it.” He answered himself without giving me time to reply.
He walked over to a small white box on the wall of his room.
“Berkley. I am hungry and would like some breakfast taken up to my room please.” Brandon said friendly into the speaker.
“Very well Mr Brandon. I will bring some immediately.” Came the reply from the speaker.
“Actually wait. I have a friend over and we will come down to eat.” Brandon quickly said into the speaker after looking at me.
I felt a weird feeling in my gut build up in me. What will Mr Berkley say when he seems me with Brandon?
“Very Well.” Me Berkley replied on the speaker again.
“Come on. Let’s go down to get some food.” Brandon quickly said and beckoned me to follow him.
We made our way downstairs to a large dining room with a table that could easily seat twenty people. As we entered the room Mr Berkley was busy setting up the table with two kitchen staff I haven’t seen before. He lifted his head as we walked closer.
“Good morning Mr Brandon. Aah… I see you met Mr Lucian as well. How nice of you two to get along.” He said flatly as we both grabbed a chair opposite each other.
“Yeah. Think I made a new best buddy actually.” Brandon replied and winked at me.
I felt a weird flutter in my stomach but said nothing.
We ate Bacon, Ham, toast, eggs and sausages that was delivered in large bowls to the table. The weirdest think I have experienced from the whole thing was the fact that the cutlery was all silver. I have never held and silverware before. Such wealth.
After breakfast both me and Brandon went back up to his room again to check out some of his games for the PlayStation. We tried his favourite first – Devil May Cry. Me been having never played on a PlayStation before meant I sucked terribly. After a few hours and about twelve different other games, we decided to just chill and talk.
I learned a lot about Brandon. He really is one of the most laid-back guys I’ve ever met. He if very popular in school as his parents are extremely wealthy. He is however unlike any popular guy I’ve ever met. He never lets his parent’s wealth go to his head and always tries to be humble. None knows about his secret game passion though and no one is allowed to go to his room. So, he keeps some part of his life secret from his friends. He had a girlfriend as well, but he broke up with her and won’t say too much about why. I think she was just the wrong girl or something.
I have never had a relationship before, and no girl has ever come up to me out of the blue to say hi. It was midday when he asked me.
“Want to go see what Duluth looks like?” He asked.
“Erm ok. Yeah… Maybe you can show me where I will be going to school from Monday.” I replied as we both got up from the couch in his room.
Brandon led me down to the garage. My mouth fell open and he just stared at me. I was looking at the most beautiful Chevrolet Camaro I’ve ever seen. I had the sudden sense of familiarity to it.
“Is this...” I asked but he replied before I could finish.
“Yup! I really loved the movies and just had to have the car. So, I asked my parents for it on my eighteenth birthday.”
“Wow! Can’t say I’ve ever seen Bumblebee in real life before. Does it transform also?” I asked laughing.
“I wish! HAHA!” He replied also laughing.
We drove around for hours. He showed me all the hangout spots, the school, the mall and all his favourite places. We were sitting by the pier just looking out when he spoke again.
“Thanks for coming with me today Lucian.”
“Wait? What?” I quickly asked back.
“I am the one to say thank you! This was really a fun day and can’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed myself so much.”
He gave me a sly smile.
“Don’t worry about it! I had just as fun. It’s really cool to be myself towards someone who doesn’t judge me or expect anything from me. You really are an awesome guy.” Brandon said while looking at me and giving me a weird feeling in my stomach again.
“Do you want to go back?” He asked as he got up from the bench we were sitting on.
“Er sure…” I replied.
We pulled in by the mansion again about thirty minutes later. I noticed a black Mercedes being there that wasn’t when we left.
“I think my parents are home. Do you want to meet them?” Brandon asks as he closed the car door behind him and looking at me.
I wasn’t sure what to say. I felt awkward and a bit scared at meeting them. There was no time however to reflect on what my emotions were as the next moment the side door that connects the house and the garage door opened. A tall man with light hair and a stern face entered.
“Hi dad, welcome back.” Brandon said and his face light up.
“Who is this?” Mr Robertson asked looking at me and not blinking.
“Oh… This is Lucian. His mom is Mr Berkley’s new top maid.” Brandon replied looking at me as well.
“Ok, but can you explain to me what he is doing in the house?” Mr Robertson asked tearing his eyes away from me and looking at his son.
I felt my insides pull into a great knot. I knew why he was asking Brandon that question. I have seen the face Mr Robertson has loads of times before. Brandon however seems confused.
“I showed him the town and we hang out…” Brandon replied looking taken aback.
“MY son won’t be “Hanging-Out” with a servant’s child. Show him out or he and his mother can find a new place to stay!” Mr Robertson quickly turned around and slammed the door shut.
I felt the familiar feeling of pain build up in my throat. I didn’t even look at Brandon and turned around to exit the garage through the main door in front. I walked around the mansion and started my way down the small path towards the little house me and my mom was staying. I felt a tear run down my cheek and quickly used my sleeve to wipe it away.
I went directly to my room and fell on my bed. Why did he hate me so? What did I ever do to him? Are we just good enough to do the minimum jobs they don’t want to do? More tears were rolling down my cheek as my thoughts raced through my head.
It was dark outside when I woke up. My face feeling weird and my eyes were foggy. I must have cried myself to sleep. I got up and listened for my mom. I was still alone in the house it seems. I went to the bathroom and started running a bath for myself.
I decided I was just going to stay away from the Robertson’s. I don’t want to run into Mr Robertson again and I sure as hell don’t want my mom to lose her job. Where would we go? No. Its best I kept my distance.
I was sitting on a couch in the lounge drawing in my sketch book again, trying to remember the pier, when my mom entered through the door.
“Hi…” She said as she looked at me.
“Mr Brandon would like to speak to you.” She said and went towards the bathroom.
I immediately felt myself tense up. Why was he here? Did he come to tell me to stay away?
I looked up towards the door and there Brandon stood. Wearing a sweat black shirt and blue shorts. I could feel a weird feeling inside my stomach again.
“Is it ok if we go sit outside?” He slowly asked while keeping his eyes on me.
“Brandon… Please… I really don’t want to cause problems for my mom and I really think you should just leave.
Brandon just looked at me. He didn’t say anything. After a minute of him just standing there he spoke again.
I was ready to yell at him and to scream for him to just leave, when I felt my legs move and I got up. What am I doing I thought to myself?
I reached the door and we moved for me to walk past. He closed the door and followed me towards the tree. It was getting cold outside and I cursed myself for not wearing anything over my t-shirt.
“Today I experienced two things I have never seen or do before.” Brandon began.
“I met a guy who made me feel I can be myself and be who I am, and I saw a side of my father I never knew he had.”
“I would never speak to you like that and I really want us to be friends. My father doesn’t understand, and I think he is scared you will…”
But Brandon’s voice trailed off. He was about to say something he knew might hurt me.
“Scared I will steal from you? Corrupt you in some way? Make his son seem weak and caring?” I asked heatedly.
I felt my insides burning. I was angry at Brandon. If only he just left me alone under this bloody tree.
“No… He is scared I might fall in… Love with you…” Brandon replied slowly and for the first time was avoiding my eyes as he looked towards the ground.
“Wait… What??” I asked in disbelief. Did I just hear him say fall in love?
What the hell? I wasn’t even gay! I didn’t even know Brandon was gay!
“Please… I came out to my parents about two weeks ago. My dad didn’t take it well and we have been having a weird relationship ever since. Almost like a piece was lost between us.” Brandon said.
“So, you’re gay? As in fully fledged gay?” I asked still in shock.
“Yup!” he replied and looked at me again.
“Er… Ok… But why would your dad think you will fall in love with me?” I still wasn’t sure what was going on.
“Well not necessary fall for you… More in the sense of any guy really… I take it you aren’t gay?” He asked with a weird smile on his face.
“No. Sorry man. I know I’ve never been with a girl, but I don’t think I like guys either.” I replied and pull myself against the tree.
I slid down and fell on the grass with a soft bump. Brandon knelt next to me and crossed his legs. We were just sitting there, looking up towards the mansion with its row of lights. The swimming pool was dead still and you can see the reflection of the mansion perfectly. Thousands of stars were out with no moon visible.
“Listen Lucian… I really would like us to be friends. You are funny, smart and very good looking and I’d love to be your friend.” Brandon slowly said while keeping his gaze on the mansion.
“You won’t make any moves on me, right?” I asked as the moment he said I was good looking I felt a weird sensation in my stomach.
“HAHA! No, I won’t! I’ve been gay for two weeks now anyway. What do I know about making moves on guys?” He laughed.
I couldn’t help but laugh too. Brandon was a funny guy and good company. He did a heck of a job jeering me up anyway. We stayed like that for what seemed like a good hour before Brandon spoke again.
“You know what? Screw my dad. If I want to spend time with you then so be it! My dad can shove his fears into a well for all I care. I do what I want!” He said loudly and with full meaning.
I just gaped at him.
“Come on! We can go chill in my room or play some games again.” He said as he stood up.
I was about to get up as well and join him when I remembered Mr Robertson’s words echo in my head again. I can’t mess with this. If my mom loses this job, we would have nothing left.
“Sorry Brandon. I think… I’m just going to call it a night. Thanks for the awesome day though. I really had fun.” I said as I got up and smiled at him.
I could tell he was a bit down to hear that, but I wasn’t going to risk anything, no matter how awesome Brandon was as a friend. I turned around and walked back to the small house. I could tell my mom was probably in her room as the lights were off. As I took one last glance back towards the mansion, I saw Brandon walking up slowly with his hands in his hoodie.
Brandon Robertson… I thought to myself. What a guy…
I light just came on in the kitchen. It was my mom looking at me and my thoughts came back to reality. What was a I thinking?
“Everything OK sweetie?” My mom asked as I closed the door behind me.
“Yeah… I guess so…” I replied and walk to give my mom a hug.
“I’m off to bed mom. See you in the morning.” As I walk past her towards my room.
Brandon was edging closer. I could see my own reflection in his eyes. I smelled his breath on me. Somehow, I couldn’t help it. I felt myself going closer to his lips. His breath was warm. We were standing outside on the grass. The lights in the mansion were all off. I felt him touch my hand just before his lips made contact on mine. My heart was pounding. Closer.
“Lucian!” I opened my eyes immediately!
My mom was standing at my door holding a basket with laundry in it.
“Wake up honey. Breakfast is ready.” She smiled and walked past the door.
What the hell was I dreaming? Why would I dream about kissing Brandon? I pulled myself up and looked around in my small room. Seems my mom already came in and took the laundry from the floor. I rubbed my eyes trying to remember what happened in my dream, but the more I try to focus on the images the more they disappeared. All I remembered was his lips touching mine.
“What the hell man?!” I spoke out loud to myself.
I quickly got out the bed and pulled on a pair of sweat pants. It was cold again in my room. It was Sunday and I had to make sure everything is ready tomorrow for the first day of school in Duluth. I made my bed and went to the kitchen. My mom was placing some bacon in a plate for me when I entered.
“How’d you sleep?” she asked friendly.
“Ok.” I lied. The memory of Brandon still haunting me.
“I’m going to clean the house a bit today. Why don’t you get your stuff ready for tomorrow and maybe spend some time outside?” She asked as she hand me breakfast.
“Err sure…” I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go out.
What if Brandon was coming down again to see me? I need to find a way for him to leave me alone. Clearly, he is affecting me in some way. I grabbed a piece of bacon and walked towards the window. I could just see the outline of Mr Randall the caretaker cutting some rose bushes in front. The mansion however seemed eerily quiet.
I finished my breakfast as quickly as I could and went to my room. An hour later I was standing by my bedroom door looking in. How did I clean this place so fast and got all my school stuff ready in an hour? I rubbed my hand through my curly hair again not knowing what to do next.
Maybe I should go sit at the back of the house? I can look up at the rest of the hill and maybe draw a little. That should clear my head. I grabbed my pencil case with my sketch book and walked outside. The sun was out, but there was a nip in the air. I turned by the door and walked straight into Brandon. Our bodies collided and I felt him grab me before I fell.
“Ouch! You ok?” He asked as he rubbed his chin.
I felt his hand a few inches above my waist. I weird tingle went spiralling down my spine.
“Are you everywhere??” I asked angrily and rubbed my head where it collided with his chin.
“Err… I try not to be.” He replied sarcastically with a grin on his face.
“Wait! Where are you going?!” He asked loudly as I turned around and walked away.
I just ignored him. I turned around the corner of the house and found myself looking up at a beautiful view of trees and grassland. I fell down on the grass and looked upwards, trying really hard to ignore the fact that he followed suite and was now sitting next to me. I pulled a pencil out and opened my book. I just want a normal silent time to draw a bit. Was that too much to ask I thought to myself.
“Everything OK Lucian?” Brandon asked quietly while looking at my face.
He was wearing a light blue jean with a white t-shirt. He seemed really fit and I could tell he must gym at times. It made me feel more irritated with him, but for some reason his voice made me look at him. His dark blue eyes staring into mine. God! Why am I feeling this?
“Do you want to be alone?” He asked without blinking and keeping his gaze on me.
“I… I don’t know.” I replied slowly.
I really wanted to just be on my own right now, but for some reason I also want him to be next to me. It was like he was controlling my emotions. He turned his head forward and laid back with his head against the wall.
“Fine. Tell you what. Il just sit here and watch you draw. I won’t say anything.” He said as he pulled his legs straight and folded his arms. I could see his muscles tighten as he closed his arms over themselves.
I turned a new page in my book, looked upwards towards the trees and lower my right hand. As I started on the first line of a random tree ahead, I felt Brandon move his legs and ever so slightly made contact with my knee, keeping it there.
Move your legs away I thought to myself. Don’t let him touch you, but it was no use. The idea of us touching was making me feel even more confused. I could tell he was doing it on purpose as he kept moving his leg every few minutes. Almost like he was daring me to say something.
I thought about getting up and going back into the house. I knew my heart was making me question almost everything I thought I knew about myself. I have never felt any of these emotions before, not even with a girl, but yet… there it was… I was happy to feel Brandon next to me. Shame was boiling inside me. I have never thought about gay people or what it means to be gay and yet I was sitting on the grass, feeling emotions that any sane person would describe as gay. Was Brandon pulling something out of me? Something that has always been there, but never touched?
I slowly lifted my knee a little and placed it higher on his leg. I felt my heart starting to race. I could barely concentrate on the grass I was drawing around the large pine in the back. “Stop” said the voice in my head. What are you doing?
I lifted my knee up and straightened my legs. Why does Brandon make me feel this way?
“I can’t concentrate on my drawing with you watching me.” I said and looked at him.
“Oh. You seem fine and that tree looks realistic.” He replied while moving his hand towards my sketch.
I held out the book for him so he could take it. Our fingers made contact for a brief moment. He was now looking at my book with his face inches away from the drawing. He pulled his finger up and ran it over the lines of the tree. He had such large hands I thought to myself.
“You really are talented Lucian.” As he gave the book back to me.
“Tell you what. Why don’t we go do something else?” He said as he got up and started wiping his butt clean from dead grass.
“Like what?” I asked as I followed suite.
“Lets got play some games in my room?” His face lit up at the idea.
“Err. I’m not allowed in your house. Remember?” I replied looking at him.
“My parents are out, and we can sneak in past Mr Berkley.” He said and turned around.
“No! I can’t do that Brandon. Your dad was very specific! I can’t go in there. I can’t even be seen with you!” I replied angrily.
He looked at me but said nothing. I could tell he was hurt, but it really wasn’t my fault. I did not ask for this and I sure as hell didn’t want to treat Brandon like that.
“OK… I guess ill see you around then…” he replied slowly and walked away.
I felt so bad. Why was he making feel like this? I wanted to call back to him, but no words came out my mouth. I sat down against the wall again. I wish I could just leave. How am I going to spend an entire year here and avoid Brandon at the same time? I wish I was in college already. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the wall. I miss Seattle.
I haven’t seen Brandon the whole day after he left. My mom finished cleaning and made some lunch for us. We ate and talked about her work and what she was doing at the mansion. She was mostly overseeing three other ladies who cleaned, did laundry and anything else Mr Berkley told them to do. Apparently, Mrs Robertson was a bit of perfectionist and wanted everything done in a specific way.
“So, you and Brandon seem to be getting along well?” My mom asked as we were sitting on the couch in the lounge.
“Yeah, I guess… He is a nice guy.” I replied looking at the ceiling as I was lying on the three-seater.
I haven’t told my mom about him, how I fell, my internal struggle or about Mr Robertson going ballistic at me yesterday. I don’t want her to think weirdly of me or be concerned for her job. She was struggling to keep to Mr Berkley’s “house law” already.
“It’s good that you are making a friend already.” She replied as she picked up her cup of coffee for another sip.
“Yeah…” I said and just stared ahead of me.
I could barely sleep that night. With everything that was going on and the terror of going to a new school in the morning. When I woke up the next morning, I looked like crap. Dark circles were hanging under my eyes and I just wanted to stay in bed. I was getting ready as fast as I could, hoping to leave before anyone “else”.
The bus stop was about a mile away from the mansion. So, I knew I still had to walk the distance and make it on time. I was walking about ten minutes when a yellow Camaro came speeding past me. Brandon was driving himself to school it seemed. Did he not see me or was he avoiding me? I wouldn’t have minded a lift to the bust stop, but I guess it was for the better anyway.
About thirty-five minutes later I was walking into the school. Kids everywhere were talking about the weekend and catching up. It was so easy to see all the familiar groups huddled together. Jocks, nerds, cheerleaders and just random packs. I was getting a few looks from some of them. Here we go I thought to myself as I walked into the main entrance. I had to report to the reception desk or something to get my class schedule.
About four minutes later and three students tell me where to go I had my schedule. The bell rang and there was a bustling of activity around me. I had no idea where to go. First period was English in room twenty-four. Wherever that was. This continued about the whole day. Each period was a struggle and each new class I was introduced. The new kid I thought again to myself while on my way to biology. In my mind I was already home again wanted this day over. Last class of the day was PE. That’s when I saw Brandon for the first time again.
As I walked into the guys changing room, he was standing at the back, talking to three other guys. One I’ve seen before in Math. He didn’t see me come in. I located my locked which was thankfully near the entrance and started changing. I couldn’t help but keep glancing over towards Brandon. He was now undressing with his mates while laughing and talking about something I couldn’t hear.
He was really fit. He was removing the blue t-shirt he was wearing, and I noticed his perfectly defined abs. There was a small hair trail leading into his underwear from his navel. He was just about to pull his pants down when the voice in my head snapped me out of it again. I looked ahead of me and started removing my own clothes. By the time I was done changing everyone had left. We were doing a fitness assessment exercise on the baseball court a few minutes later. The gym teacher was also the football coach it seemed as the jocks in the class were all on first name basis with him.
“Hi Everyone! This is Lucian Bardon. He transferred from Seattle. Lets all make him feel at home.” The coach said to everyone once they all calmed down.
There was a murmur of “Hello’s and HI’s” from everyone before the coached announced the fitness exercise assessment.
We had to run, climb and do sit ups to see if anyone was slacking. The coach was constantly yelling at students to push harder and run faster. I kept trying to see if Brandon was looking at me, but there was way too much movement everywhere. I was glad when thirty minutes later the coach announced last lap for everyone.
“Seems Seattle’s training isn’t too bad if I compare you to this lot.” The coached said to me when we finished running.
“Thanks.” I said between breath’s and inhaling deeply.
I looked over my shoulder just in time to see Brandon looking away, trying to avoid eye contact. I felt a sudden pit of anger flair up inside me. Was he trying to pretend he doesn’t know me? Scared it might come out that I am his maid’s son? I turned around and quickly went back to the changing room. I dressed as fast as I could and thought to myself, I’d just shower back at home.
As the last bell for the day went off in the background, I grabbed my stuff and walk out towards the exit. A dark sky met my gaze as I exit through the door. It looked like it would start raining at any minute. I found the bus and thirty minutes later I was at the bus stop close to the mansion. I barely walked ten feet when the first water drop hit my face. I quickened my pace, but in a record of two minutes I was soaking wet.
A loud engine made me turn around just in time for me to see Brandon’s Camaro stopping next to me. Now he recognises me? Screw this! I thought to myself and continued walking. I heard the car door open.
“Lucian! Wait!” He yelled over the rain.
I ignored him. I hear him running towards me.
“Lucian please! I need to talk to you!” And I heard him running towards me.
“What?! What do you want?!” I spun around and realised he was right by me.
I looked into his dark blue eyes. His hair was already flat against his face from the water. He was inhaling fast.
“You ignored me the whole day and now you want to talk to me?” I asked angrily feeling my hands starting to shake.
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to talk to you… I didn’t know what to do…” He replied looking hurt.
It almost looked as if he was crying from the rain washing down his face. I felt another stab in my gut. He was looking deeply into my eyes again. How similar they were to mine. I felt myself losing control. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to punch him. I was so angry.
“You are killing me! I… I…” But the words were failing me.
I thought I was going to hit him, being angry at him for not talking to me. Angry at his father treating me this way. Angry at him being so bloody perfect! Angry at him for making me love him! It hit me so hard and fast I had only realised now why I was so upset.
I lunged forward and placed my lips on his. His eyes widened and he looked in shock. He however immediately kissed me back. I felt his hands grab on to my face and pulled me closer to him. I grabbed him around the chest and pulled him closer towards me. This feels amazing I thought to myself. Every cell in my body was on fire. I wanted to stay like this forever and just kiss him.
As we stood there kissing each other for what felt like hours. I eventually pulled back from him. My entire body was cold from the rain. He looked at me inhaling deeply.
“I’ve really wanted to do that for a while now…” He said slowly keeping his eyes locked on mine.
“I think I wanted too…” Was all I could say and felt the blood rush to my cheeks.
“Let’s get out the rain.” He said while grabbing my hand and leading me back to the car.
My head was spinning. Not only did I have my first ever kiss, but it was with another guy. I felt over thirty different emotions, I think. All from happy, sad, fear, confusion and lust. Brandon opened the passenger seat for me, and I got in. We didn’t say anything as we drove up to the mansion and five minutes later, I was getting out the car again in the garage. The black Mercedes was parked inside, and I knew his parents must be home. I immediately felt regret as the fear of his dad seeing me builds up inside my chest.
“Listen. Thanks for the lift back home. I am freezing and a warm bath sounds really nice right about now.” I said as picked up my soaked bag from the seat.
“Can we talk later?” he slowly asked while taking his wet shirt off.
“Err… Sure…” I replied while watching him remove his shirt.
“See you.” I quickly said and took off out the garage door as he pulled his shirt over his head and watched me.
The rain was still coming down hard and when I reached our small house at the back it felt like my feet were going to fall off. I quickly undressed and all my wet clothes at the door and ran inside in just my underwear.
The warm water of the bath felt amazing. I laid back down to completely soak my body and submerge my head under water. My mind racing with the events of what happened. Was I gay now? I knew my feelings for Brandon were growing, but what would my mom say if I told her I like guys? She’s always said she couldn’t wait to be a grandmother one day and that the kids I would have one day would have a much better life.
I made some lunch after spending twenty minutes in the warm bath water and thinking everything trough. I knew I would have to talk to Brandon at some point. I just didn’t know when or what I would say.
A few hours later my mom arrived at the house and wanted to know all about my day. I decided to skip all the Brandon details of what we did and rather focus just on school stuff. We talked while she prepared some dinner for us. I was sitting at the table when she asked.
“Did your new friend show you the school and classes today?” as she peeled a few potatoes.
My heart gave a skip and I said nothing.
“Err… No…” Was all I could manage to say.
I knew what was coming. I knew I had to have some sort of excuse. What do I say? Do I tell her the truth?
“Oh, ok then. Want to help me cut these up?” She asked and pointed to the potatoes she just peeled.
I was glad she didn’t ask anything further and knew my mom could tell I didn’t want to talk about it, so she dropped it.
About two hours later we were sitting in the lounge eating while she told me about something one of the ladies in the mansion did. Apparently, Mr Berkley went crazy on her for it. I wasn’t paying much attention to the story and could feel myself getting really sleepy by the time we were done eating.
At around ten my mom told me she was going to bed and I shouldn’t stay up late. I was busy drawing in my sketch book a random picture of a boat I had imagined in my head when she left. When would Brandon want to talk? I was expecting him to rock up at some point, but he didn’t come. I decided that maybe he couldn’t get out with his parents being at home or something and got up to go to bed.
“Tap” What was that...?” “Tap” I heard it again. Something was making a noise at my window. I looked over towards my phone, still half asleep. It was just after two AM. “Tap”
I got up from bed wearing a pair of boxer briefs I like to sleep in and walked towards the window. The curtains were pulled closed. I open it just slightly enough to see what was outside. Brandon was standing by my window and tapping on it with his finger. I quickly pulled the curtains back and his face lid up when he saw me.
“Dude. It’s like two AM.” I whispered loudly at him when I opened the window.
“I wanted to see you. Get back.” He replied and lunged his body up and through the window opening.
“Shssss! My mom hears me, she will kill me. We have school tomorrow.” I quickly said as his shoes made a noise when he dropped down.
“How did you even get out? Doesn’t Mr Berkley activate the alarm when he locks up downstairs?” I asked while watching him straighten up.
He was wearing a black hoodie again with a pair of blue shorts that were kind of tight on him
“I climbed down from the ivy ladder by my window. Besides… I really wanted to see you.” He replied and I could tell he looked down towards my underwear.
I felt very exposed all of a sudden and moved towards my shirt on the floor to pull it on.
“Don’t… You look really sexy…” He slowly whispered.
“I’m getting back in bed.” I said and walked back towards the covers as the room felt cold.
“Good idea. Ill join you.” Brandon said while immediately pulling his hoodie over his head.
“Wait what?” Was all I could manage and before I knew it, he was getting into bed next to me.
He stripped down to his underwear and kept his short white socks on. He was wearing briefs that showed every outline of everything that it was supposed to cover.
We were both lying my bed now. Another first for me. I turned on my side to face him which he has already done. I caught a sparkle in his eye as some feint light reflected off it.
“So, what now?” He whispered to me.
“I don’t know. You came to me and woke me not even to mention you are semi naked in MY bed. You tell me “What now.” I whispered back, feeling my heart race a little bit.
“Can I kiss you again?” He asked and without waiting for me to reply, placed his lips on mine.
It was like an electric shock ran through my body. His breath was sweet, and he tasted like mountain dew. I felt his hand on my chest as he edged closer to me. I could feel the heat of his body next to me. A new sensation was stirring inside me. Lust. I wanted to have him on top of me. I wanted him as close to me as possible. I realised I was completely aroused. I haven’t jerked off in a while and knew I would probably blow my load over the bed if I don’t stop soon.
He placed his arm around my waist and in one motion pulled me tightly against him. I immediately felt his, rather thicker dick than mine, press against me. There was a slight wetness to it as he pressed against mine. He stopped kissing me and moved his lips towards my ear. Another lightning bolt hit my body as I felt his lips on my neck. I have never felt such lust driven over me before. I placed both my arms around his muscular back and pulled him more towards me.
“Wait.” He suddenly said and pulled away from me.
“Maybe we should just take this slow? I really like you and I would gladly want to continue, but I don’t want us to take it to a level where it might ruin everything. I actually just came down here to tell you, you are amazing and that I like you. Maybe then end the conversation with a kiss.” He said whilst looking at me.
“Ok… This is all new to me also…” I replied pulling myself up a bit.
“Yeah?” he asked with a sly grin.
“Feel here.” He said and grabbed my hand placing it on his penis.
I could feel the precum on the tip of his dick. He must have been over eight inches in length, and I could just barely touch my fingers when I grabbed it around.
This is really big I thought to myself and let go.
“I’m going to head back.” And he jumped out the bed.
Within a few minutes he was dressed and out the window again.
“See you in the morning.” He said after jumping out.
He just started walking, stopped and turn around again.
“Almost forgot.” And he grabbed my face, pulled me closer to him and kissed me one last time again.
He must have been back at the mansion by the time I came too and realised I was still staring into the distance.
I was still hard by the time I got back in bed. I really needed to masturbate and so within a few minutes of me violently tugging on my uncircumcised dick, I was shooting large amounts of sperm on my chest and stomach. I was sure that was the most amazing orgasm I’ve ever had.